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12 Lesser-Known Reasons to Be Happy About Being an American

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Brandon Wade, Getty Images

One of America’s greatest exports isn’t a product, a car or even a tangible object. It’s self-esteem. And by that logic, that means Ritalin and cheap whiskey are also our greatest exports.

So it’s no wonder that despite everything that’s going on in the country and the world, a recent study of the Well-Being Index found that a majority of Americans are feeling quite happy overall. That means there are still some sad sacks out there who need cheering up. Here are some reasons that should help them put a smile on their faces:

1. Not only can you eat 24 hours a day, you don’t even have to get out of your car or put on pants to do it.

2. The closest thing our women have to a burka is a Snuggie.

3. Per capita, we have more wet T-shirt contests than any other country.

4. Using donuts instead of sandwich bread is totally acceptable.

5. The news has more sexual content than most late night pay cable movie channels.

6. Our biggest cars can carry a family of 10 or two average-sized Americans.

7. Bacon isn’t the only thing in the store that’s bacon-flavored — and that includes the pharmacy aisle.

8. Other countries give their women jail time for showing too much skin. We give them drink tickets and awards for ‘Best Buns.’

9. We’re so excepting of foreign immigrants who want to live in our country that we elected one president.

10. Hamburgers and hot dogs are a side dish.

11. “On a stick” is one of our four food groups.

12. Our politicians make us laugh and cry at the same time.

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