4 Things You Should Do To Guarantee You’ll Make It to Boots in The Sand
Winter blues got you down? Don’t bother lying. It’s miserable out there. Wouldn’t it be better if you were in, say, Rivera Maya, Mexico? The same place where, from Feb. 23-27, four major country music stars will be invading the Hard Rock Hotel? Instead of chugging Thunderbird and watching The Weather Channel, wouldn’t you rather be drinking pina coladas while watching live performances from Dierks Bentley, Billy Currington, Brantley Gilbert and Jana Kramer?
Again, don’t bother lying, because that is everyone’s most awesomest dream. Lucky for you, rooms are still available. And they’re absolutely affordable.
But that doesn’t mean it’s easy to just get away to Mexico in February. You may have to take extreme measures. These are, by far, your best options to guarantee you make it to Boots in the Sand.
Quit your job so you can take off the whole month of February.
Yeah, Boots in the Sand isn’t until the end of February, but what with snowstorms blowing around America willy-nilly (chilly willy?), you shouldn’t be taking chances. You wouldn’t want to show up at the airport and find out your flight was canceled. That’s why you’re going to want to camp out at the airport starting somewhere around … tomorrow. If your Spidey Sense starts tingling that maybe your flight is going to get bumped, take the first one that gets you close to Riviera Maya and live off the land until your hotel room is ready. Remember, it’s a tropical paradise down there, so you can sleep outside every night.
Strap yourself to Jana Kramer.
Jana’s just one of the four major artists who will invade the Hard Rock Hotel during Boots in the Sand, so if you’re worried that circumstances are conspiring to keep you from making it there, you should strap yourself to her. I mean, SHE’S definitely going to be there, so at some point, she’ll get YOU where you’re going. And she seems really nice and adventurous, so I’m sure she’ll be up for having a new best friend throughout the month of February. Be nice to her, of course – keep the strap reasonably loose. You’re not an animal, after all. [If Jana Kramer isn’t your speed, A) What’s wrong with you? And B) Billy Currington should be your backup choice, because he’s a party-and-a-half.]
Become a Mexican citizen long enough to make it through the week.
Okay, so not everyone can just go hopping on a plane for international travel. Some of us have electronic ankle bracelets that … uh, limit our movements. So how can you get to Mexico? Well, if you’re a citizen, the Mexican government can demand your extradition. Don’t worry – you’re not going to live there permanently. Just long enough to make it through Boots in the Sand. Then, you renounce your Mexican citizenship, return to America and serve out the rest of your time, comforted by your sweet memories. Unless, of course, you’re a blackout drunk. Then, there’ll just be a weeklong hole in your memory and some tattoos you can’t read because they’re in Spanish.
Pull a ‘Freaky Friday’ body swap with Dierks Bentley.
This one’s kind of similar to strapping yourself to Jana Kramer, but it’s for overachievers. Again, you know Dierks Bentley is going to be at Boots in the Sand, so if the two of you swap bodies for a while, you’re guaranteed to make it to Riviera Maya. I know – you’re thinking, “If I’m Dierks and Dierks is me, won’t Dierks just be stranded at my house?” First off, you ask too many damn questions. Second, Dierks makes more money than you. He’ll find a way to get to Mexico. Just make sure that whatever method you used to body-swap can be recreated on Mexican soil. If not, you’re going to find yourself standing on a stage, and someone’s going to hand you a guitar. And that won’t end well.