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Arnold Schwarzenegger and His Big-Ass Tank Crush Everything in Their Way


‘Twins’ star, and former leader of the eighth largest economy in the world, Arnold Schwarzenegger, just released a video in which he believably emotes for the first time in his illustrious career. What could cause such a convincing display of enthusiasm from the star of ‘Jingle All the Way’ and ‘End of Days’? He got his own tank, of course!

And he’s found the perfect way to show off with his tank in front of the whole world and write the entire experience off as a tax break: He’s attached a charity to it. Arnold is holding a contest to benefit the After-School All-Stars, and his description of the charity makes it sound like a thinly veiled scheme to find at-risk youth and train them to serve in his personal army.

With his new tank, the star of ‘Hercules In New York’ and ‘Junior’ will lead his well-honed war machine through the streets of Los Angeles, demanding bigger cigars and more cameos in Sylvester Stallone movies.

In the meantime, you can win a chance to ride in the tank with the star of ‘Collateral Damage’ and ‘Kindergarten Cop’ as he crushes everything — from old cars impounded from poor people to your own personal hopes and dreams. If you’re the lucky winner, you also get to work out and smoke cigars with the former governor of California. One can only hope you get to smoke and lift weights at the same time. If you’re really lucky, he’ll quote the old ‘Girly Man’ sketches from ‘Saturday Night Live.’

The contest is open for only the next two days, so hurry up and enter for your chance to sit next to the man who made Jesse Ventura look like a good actor. It’s all for a good cause, and you and a plus-one get a free vacation to LA. Check out the video above.

No word on if you have to spend the whole trip with the seven-time Mr. Universe and (probably at least seven-time) Hollywood-orgy participant, or if you get to run away as soon as the promotional photo shoot is over.

Next: Batman Songs

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