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13 Signs the Zombie Apocalypse Is Here

"Survival of the Dead" Midnight Madness Screening - 2009 Toronto International Film Festival
Malcolm Taylor, Getty Images

Mindless zombies may be walking among us. That’s not the wish of a feverish geek who prays for the day when ‘Left 4 Dead 2’ becomes a reality — terrifying flesh-eaters may have finally arrived.

It’s actually much more of a literal statement than you might think. Some guy in Florida was caught by police gnawing on another man’s face. Then, a guy in New Jersey threw his intestines and flesh at police. Here are some other signs that the dead walk among us. If any of these things happen, you’ll know the zombie apocalypse is here.

1. There’s a decrepit, shuffling corpse talking into the camera on your TV and you realize that Larry King retired two years ago.

2. Suddenly, Republicans aren’t so worried about illegal immigrants from Mexico invading the nation.

3. You see someone biting Mike Tyson for a change.

4. You flip past the channels and suddenly realize you’re having trouble distinguishing between CNN and AMC’s ‘The Walking Dead.’

5. You notice that Texas has more than the usual amount of public gunfire.

6. For once, Paris Hilton seems to be genuinely interested in finding a guy with brains.

7. More Americans are walking outdoors than ever before.

8. In bed, your wife is more cold and rigid than usual.

9. People at McDonald’s actually seem to prefer eating their own hands than the food they were served.

10. For a change, your mailman bit your dog.

11. Our new president? George R. Romero.

12. You notice New York cab drivers are using the phrase “bite me” a whole lot less.

13. Lindsey Lohan is stumbling around in public and she’s sober.

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